Photography by Hanumani Beckler
Welcome Back!
Well, it's now 2020 (a year that we will never forget!), and quite some time has passed since my last blog post.
When I first launched this website, I admit that I was very excited about writing a blog. This is because I love writing and always have. I’ve always loved to write about just about anything — not just poems, songs and plays, but even reports and essays. English literature was my favourite subject at school along with Art, Music and Theatre, and well, I guess I just really love words! LOL
When I was in my 20’s there were a few blogs which I enjoyed following, and so it seemed like such a good plan to one day have a blog of my very own. So after deciding to launch my website in 2016 I wrote my first blog post and was excited to start documenting the progress of my upcoming album. However, many of my plans at that time did not pan out as expected.
I think this old saying sums it up: ‘When man makes a plan, God laughs!’
Yes, one thing I have learned in life is that regardless of how much you might love something, if you don’t actually have the time and energy available for it, it is probably not going to happen. Such is the case for me with writing. Well any writing that isn't songwriting or directly related to my service as a teacher, that is.
In certain phases of my life, writing was a daily practise. At other times it was an absolute necessity when I had so many thoughts and emotions that I needed to sort through and process. But at other times, my own writing has taken a back seat. Life has had other demands that have needed to be attended to. Such has been the past five or six years.
The reality is that I only have so much time and energy in each day, and for the past 11 years, teaching kindergarten has taken up a huge chunk of that — even if it is a job I love so much. I have heard it said that as a teacher we have to make so many moment-by-moment decisions, and continually find new creative solutions to a seemingly unending stream of problems, and this is why we feel so exhausted at the end of the day! When my students are in front of me, they naturally become my priority, and I can’t help but give them all the energy I can muster.
Apart from teaching, I have also been doing various other seva (selfless service) work, and of course performing bhajans (devotional songs) almost daily for many years now. Of course I absolutely love having this opportunity to sing so often and I am one hundred percent committed to that as long as I am given the opportunity (although in the time of the pandemic this has temporary stopped).
Along with the required rehearsal and practise that goes along with this, I have also been blessed to be writing new songs the whole time. At any given moment I will be working on two or three songs in some way — either working on new songs, polishing up previous ones, or translating them into Tamil for other members of the local bhajan group to learn. Because of this, it has been difficult to try to focus on writing other things — like blog posts!
Writing Bhajans
The truth is that Bhajan writing is actually far more than just a creative activity for me, or a past time. It is much, much more than that. Writing bhajans has become the most incredible spiritual practise as well. It is a gift I am continually thankful for.
When I get that first ‘flash’ of inspiration (or ‘download’) it is something I can’t really describe. Firstly I know that it's a huge gift, and from the time I first started writing songs as a child, I have learned that when it comes to writing a song, you just have to stop everything and receive that gift immediately. If you push it to one side and assume you can just come back to it later, you will often find it has gone back to wherever it originally came from. I have sadly lost so many songs over the years this way.
So I have learned that when this first wave of energy comes, I just have to give it my full attention. I don’t need to stop everything until it is absolutely finished being written, but I do need to pause long enough to initially capture the essence of it.
In this way, I usually record as much of the melody on my phone as I can and jot down any lyrics that also come to me at the time. After that, I will do my best to work on that song whenever I can until it is complete. Some songs take much longer to arrive to a point of completion, and others have just seemingly poured out, almost ready-made — there is no hard or fast rule in my own experience.
However there is usually a dedicated process of 'crafting' in songwriting that goes hand-in-hand with the initial inspiration. And I have found that if I am dedicated to making time for this crafting process, I am rewarded with a lot more finished material that I am happy with. For me, it is ultimately about honouring each song and endeavouring to reveal it to the world in the best way possible.
So I never know just how a song will be discovered. After that initial spark of inspiration, a whole new song can appear in an hour or so, or I may still be working on it in two years time! But for me, the joy is in that wonderful mystery. I love being in the process of creating or ‘birthing’ a song so much that I don’t mind if it even takes years to ‘finish’ a song. This is because when I am engaged in writing bhajans, I am completely at peace. All my awareness is on the music I am hearing in my mind, and trying to capture the essence of that song with the right words. And in my case, the majority of those words are Sanskrit — specifically Sanskrit names of the Divine. Where I once felt this sense of Divine connected through singing, I now experience a similar feeling of connection through composing bhajans as well.
For me it is simple a huge gift to be in that space of receiving a song and especially being in the process of revealing it to the world. The next step is of course sharing that gift with others.
Creating and Recording an Album
Apart from being able to perform these songs for others at our local temple, I am also in the process of recording my debut album. It is this journey which has perhaps been the most incredible and yet challenging experience for me as an artist. The album I am finishing off now is nothing like the album was in its first incarnation years ago — the Divine has completely re-shaped it and re-imagined it along the way.
This is the stage in which all the original songs are fixed for the very first time as a sound recording, and hopefully in a way that best does justice each song. This is not such an easy process for me as some huge creative decisions have to be made! And as both a songwriter and an artist, I have to weigh up any artistic vision I have with what resources I have available at the time.
It's not always easy to know what to do with each song initially, and in creating my current album I have had to change my mind about most of the songs I had initially selected for it. Some of them were just not right for the overall sound of this particular album and had to be 'shelved' for the time being. New songs had to be written too as a new theme emerged from within the evolving energy of the project.
All throughout this time, I have been constantly reminded about the necessity of surrender in the creative process. The vision may be coming through me, yes, but I am not the Ultimate Creator of it. I am only the instrument, and I have to always go with the flow in order to facilitate that creation into the world.
So that brings me back to the present moment, where my grand plans of finally finishing off the recording in April 2020 and having a finished album by now have again been adjusted. It will happen as soon as it's meant to happen, and staying healthy and well is the priority for all at this time. The intense lockdown in India however has also allowed me the opportunity to redirect some of my creative energy back into other areas. Without daily teaching and performing, I have been able to write more songs, plan future albums, sort through photos from previous photoshoots...and even write a new blog post.
Life may indeed be uncertain, but there is always good to be found if we only look for it.
May you all be safe and well in these uncertain times,
Love Zoë
Om Namo Narayani
